The Mom Deficit

Eye Mom

This week in the Feminine & Motherhood Empowerment Lounge we are talking about identifying our wounds in mothering and this is something, unfortunately, that does not get talked a lot about in our society. So, the “Mom Deficit” is what I call it.

When we have a child all of our mothering wounds get reawoken because all of a sudden there’s this child and it needs us and that needing reminds us of our needing and so all of that ties into how we had our needs met as a child. It can be overwhelming when you become a mom and are not prepared for this. This is why I am a huge advocate for non-moms to be a part of the Motherhood Empowerment Program and I am so happy to say that we DO have. When we are preparing to become moms oftentimes we are not prepared to face these wounds. Not many people talk about this. As one of my clients said, we talk about baby registry and buying things to be prepared, but we do not really talk about the emotional aspect of getting ready for birth and parenting until it’s too late! Suddenly, we’re a mother and juggling a child, breastfeeding, and meeting our basic self-care needs like taking a shower, and many of us don’t have the energy or the resources to deal with the bigger emotional pieces that get triggered when we actually have a child. So, that is why I am a huge advocate for—if you are thinking of having a child, or you’re not even sure if you will, but you feel like there is emotional material there for you—for you to take the Motherhood Empowerment Program, or get emotional support, like counseling or therapy, around looking at those wounds.


Because suddenly we have this child to take care of and we realize we have all of these needs. And at times that can trigger our rebellion. We can want to act out and not meet the needs of our child. I know that sounds terrible, but when you’re a mom and seriously haven’t had sleep, it can come up that that part of you, that child part inside of you, can get triggered and not want to meet the needs of this child. Of course there are varying degrees of these: there are people who really struggle with that and have severe emotional reactions and there is abuse, and then there are really mild cases of it, where there is a certain emotional turmoil can come up where you don’t want to have to meet this child’s needs.


And then, resentment can come up because you did not have those needs met when you were a child or not in the same fashion as you are meeting your own child’s needs now. Maybe you are meeting your child’s needs in a really awesome way and there is this aspect of you that’s resentful because you are thinking, “Why was nobody there for me in this way?” and it can just bring this up a lot.

I hope you resonate with this. Please comment below, if you feel called. If you’re not already in the Feminine & Motherhood Empowerment Lounge, please join us: we deal with a lot of these issues. I will be running an Un-Challenge in there soon, dealing with a lot of this stuff, self-care, and how do we meet our own needs, so please join us here! I look forward to seeing you soon.


I’ve spent years exploring these topics. Finally, when I became a mother, I had experiences that I could not read about in books. In fact, I realized that a lot of it was not even being talked about. So I created the Motherhood Empowerment Program, tailored for women with different backgrounds, yet, with similar topics to discuss, who learn and grow from listening to one another. And—one thing they all realize is that by taking the time to heal their own wounds and to take care of their own needs and nurture themselves, they all realize they become a better mom for their children or better prepared to have children. Asking for support is a sign of healing, and joining a supportive community is a step towards healing already, releasing shame, finding others whom to talk about these taboos with.

If you would like to explore what this process could look like for YOU, feel free to book a no-obligation Free Motherhood Empowerment Assessment call with Tanya here. I love Skype tea dates with women worldwide, to empower them to make the best out of their lives & situations as moms, wives, partners, daughters…and MUCH, much more than that!

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on whatsapp

Related Posts

Lion, Lioness…

We are currently undergoing a global spiritual crisis on the Planet.   I am not the first one to talk about it. Professor Joseph Campbell

Read More »

You can do it your way!

After a whole entire year of preparing for and passing this exam in German to practice psychotherapy, I’ve now had a few days since last

Read More »